Manmohan can speak

For last two days we have had a rare event happening, our dear (or at least Madam’s dear) MMS has been speaking in public.

This is not a mean feat – from the guy who reads text like his life depends on reading the verbatim, it’s like betting his life. Today he spoke of need to tackle malnutrition among kids.

I am sure this speech is just a prologue for the national food bill (prepared by the extra constitutional authority – National Advisory Council – headed by Madam). Following is the epilogue for the bill (can also be read as obituary of Indian economy as we knew it)

MMS (Imaginary speech in middle of 2013) :

My fellow citizens, followers of Madam, Followers of Baba, Madam, Baba, Didi, Amma and Behanji – we are faced with a critical situation.

With our food security bill we have been able to feed many still born and already born Indians. In doing so we look forward to a India that is healthy and fit to face our current situation.

We have had to spend 2,000,000,000,000 rupees (USD 40 Billion) to ensure this health. When I see all around me, I find every person to be exceptionally healthy now.

My chief secretory, along with the Chef Secretary of every state, has gained weight. And it doesn’t just stop there – our recent surveys indicate that everyone from Surpunch and BDO upwards has gained weight.

That’s not all – it has also resulted in unexpected windfalls for Luxury item sales and pleasure travels. Not to mention that the spends have also enabled Indians (that we surveyed as above) to own multiple houses and commercial interests.
We have therefore come to a conclusion that a well fed India is a fed up India. If only nutritional requirements can be met in our villages, our cities can buy Porsche, Lamborghini and private jets.

However in doing so our tax collections have gone down as large sums of cash seems to have vanished – although opposition claims that this money changed to black – as the ex-governor of RBI I can assure every citizen that our money does not changes color – it’s just missing.

Because of this missing money our tax collections have gone down and we don’t have any money left. As you might know – no government employee has been payed for last three months. They have collectively gone on strike, we don’t know how to keep things moving.

We tried to implement ESMA but even Security personal – including Armed forces refused to come to duty.

Since it has become impossible to continue as the prime minister of this nation. However my A** is stuck to PM chair with fevicol I hereby dissolve the union – please remember me forever as the person who scripted, and successfully read the obituary of 5,000 year old nation.

Mar gaya Hind !